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  1. #1
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    Default My nightmare under Lockdown

    First off, I am a good citizen and understand how important it is for social distancing and keeping at home as much as possible. The real problem is others.
    I was settling down to watch a good film on the TV when the front door bell sounded.

    ‘What now?’ I thought. Who on earth is making house calls in this environment.
    I opened the door to find Rita Ora standing there wearing a very short, low cut A-line dress.
    ‘I’ve just taken a holiday home, down the road,’ she panted, ‘but the shower is kaput. Can I use yours?’
    ‘Look love’, I told her, ‘I’m just getting settled to watch Rabid Zombies on the Moon and anyway, according to Boris we shouldn’t be in close proximity with each other.’
    She started to sulk and then her friend turned up in an effort to support her request.
    I never realised how tall Kylie Jenner was until then, or was it just those high heels.
    She moved forward to make her pitch. I had to pull her up quickly.
    ‘Step back please Kylie, I think that you will find that two metres is the required distance of separation.’
    They both started moaning about the fact that they had bought clean underwear to change into, dangling the said articles in front of me as if to make a point.

    I eventually had to close the door on them as they were just not listening to reason.
    The most annoying thing of all is that I missed the first fifteen minutes of my film, so I didn’t quite understand the plot. I turned off the TV in frustration. How un-thoughtful some people can be. Now what am I going to do for the rest of the evening?
    It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. (W.C.)



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  3. #2
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    Default

    As somebody who has been habitually stalked by supermodels, female porn actresses and university chearleading squads over the past 2+ decades, my first bit of advice is simple - you just need to be zen about it and let it go.

    My second bit of advice is to..... awww, crap. Friggin' Heidi Klum again outside banging on my front door.... she doesn't get the fact that you'll get arrested where I live if you're out trying to congregate with people who aren't your family. God she's even more annoying than when she started her stalking twenty years ago.

    Sorry, I'll get back to you on #2 later. Cheers and be safe.

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  5. #3
    Beach Bum

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    Default

    Have you guys taken your temperature yet today. Is delusion a symptom?

  6. #4
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kbh View Post
    Have you guys taken your temperature yet today. Is delusion a symptom?
    Actually, I've been regularly using my rectal thermometer on a daily basis for years now. Since the corona virus outbreak, I've been taking the added step of precaution by immediately reading the temperature it's showing and then sticking it in my mouth for 30 seconds just to confirm that it's working properly. God forbid it was broken... that would be sh1tty.

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  8. #5
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    Default

    Mr Grapeshot, a true gentleman as always, I on the other hand, would have been fully prepared for death, be it by covid or heart attack, with a great big smile on my face. Cheers for the best read in a long time , take care of yourself pal, Andy G.

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  10. #6
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kbh View Post
    have you guys taken your temperature yet today. Is delusion a symptom?
    lol

  11. #7
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    Default

    I would take this hit for the team!
    My respect is earned as I will work to earn yours while be respectful.

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  13. #8
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    Default

    It’s the mystique of the replica timepiece. It makes us irresistible. And that’s an actual scientific fact.

    Very nice Pete and Dud homage.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Time is an allusion. Rep time, doubly so.

  14. #9
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by P0pperini View Post
    Very nice Pete and Dud homage.
    Peetur... Peetur...
    It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. (W.C.)



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