Thread: Jokes about engineer... My good friend send me this

There are several engineers in the family, hopefully this will help clear the mystery.

>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
>>
>> Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
>> "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>>
>> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
>> minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
>> bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
>> and said, "Take what you want. "
>>
>> The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
>> probably wouldn't have fit."


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
>>
>> To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>>
>> To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
>>
>> To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
>>
>> A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
>> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
>> with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
>>
>> The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
>> ineptitude!"
>>
>> The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
>> word with him."
>>
>> "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
>> slow, aren't they?"
>>
>> The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-
>> fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
>> last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>>
>> The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so
>> sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
>>
>> The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
>> ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>>
>> The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
>>
>> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
>> Engineers?
>>
>> Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
>>
>>
>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
>>
>> The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>>
>> The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>>
>> The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>>
>> The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
>>
>> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
>> possible designers of the human body.
>>
>> One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the
>> joints."
>>
>> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
>> system has many thousands of electrical connections.
>>
>> The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer.
>> Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
>> area?"


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
>>
>> Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>>
>> Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
>> features yet.


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT
>>
>> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
>> was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
>>
>> The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
>> foundation for an enduring relationship.
>>
>> The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
>> passion and mystery he found there.
>>
>> The engineer said, "I like both"
>>
>> "Both?"
>>
>> Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
>> assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
>> to the lab and get some work done."


>> UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE NINE
>>
>> An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to
>> him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
>> princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket
>>
>> The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
>> into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
>> engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
>> it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn
>> me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
>> Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
>> into his pocket.
>>
>> Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
>> beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
>> anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
>>
>> The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
>> girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

This is great! Thanks!